When Game Ceases To Be Work

Years ago in the bars of Buenos Aires, Argentina, I simply refused to go home until I approached a certain number of women. Whether each approach went somewhere was a moot point; each approach I did simply meant I needed to do one less before being free to go home.

Game was work. Like an Irish friend once said, I was “clocking in” at 11pm and “clocking out” at 3am. One night I even refused to go home even after the bars closed. I relentlessly approached women on the streets, the sidewalks, etc. I was a man on a mission. Most approaches inevitably lead to nothing but rejections, but as long as I put myself out there I was happy.

Later in Brazil, the number of approaches shot up even further. There were nights where I approached easily over ten women or even fifteen. One night in a posh club in Buzios, a pleasant resort town two hours east of Rio de Janeiro, I estimate approached at least twenty women before finally hooking up with a so-so tier two chick with unattractive pasty white skin.

In those days my game was active. I always left my house with two things: a condom and determination to never come home empty-handed. Like a soldier in a battlefield, I had a duty to perform.

Lately I’ve been revising my strategies and taking a more passive role. I enter the bar, order a drink and mull over it while observing the surroundings. Approaching everything in sight is out. Game is not work anymore. Most of the approaches happen in two situations: when a girl is in close proximity (i.e., she came up to the bar to order a drink and stood next to me) or when a girl at the opposite side of the bar is giving me subtle or obvious eye contact.

Many nights I’ve been so passive that I didn’t even leave my barstool even if it meant better approach opportunities in other sections of the bar. And I still approached plenty of girls.

Daygaming has experienced similar transformation. When I was younger, I used to walk after chicks, even running after them in order to “ask them” something. In San Francisco’s Union Square I once followed some girl for three blocks before asking her something.

Now I keep my eyes open and approach girls in close proximity — at coffee shops, stores, malls, elevators, etc. Anytime I’m in near a girl for more than few seconds, I just blurt something out.

This transformation occurred chiefly as a result of two things: thanks to paying my dues, I no longer need to switch “brain modes” to “start” gaming—it’s automatic; and, as I get older and gain more experience and wisdom, I no longer feel the need to hit every target to get my validation and a number close.

My approaches — if you call them approaches — are smoother and more congruent with my behavior. Unlike when I started, I no longer need to “fake it ’til I make it.” I simply take advantage of the numerous approaching opportunities presented to me on the daily basis.

And those opportunities come in droves: the girl who sat next to me at a coffee shop; the cute waitress who comments on my accent; the girl who stood next to me under a store cover waiting for the rain to stop; the girl in the elevator with an interesting handbag; the girl in the airport reading a magazine in a strange language; the girl sitting next to me on the train. And so on.

Essentially I’m just some guy who’s hanging out and, by a stroke of luck, ended up next to some girl. Then he blurted something out. Then they talked for a while. Then she smiled and found him interesting. Then he got her number. Then they banged.

Active gaming is when you consciously switch modes to “hunt” and get laid. Passive gaming is the art of seeing life as one big gaming opportunity.

Passive gaming may seem like that Holy Grail of game where you and game become one and the same. But you can’t just go from having no game to passive game. Passive game comes after active game.

A guy who’s never approached with the sun out can’t suddenly become comfortable approaching women in coffee shops and shopping malls. A guy who needs monster courage to approach a random girl in a bar can’t suddenly become at complete ease bantering jokes about her accent or the drink she’s ordering.

He must first put in his dues by massively approaching, learning the ropes, escalating and only then can reap the rewards of passive game.

I still nostalgise about my days of active gaming in the bars and clubs of Brazil and Argentina. Active game is fun, exciting and full of adrenaline. In fact, I can’t imagine taking a passive approach in the mega clubs of São Paulo or Belo Horizonte, where there are usually — and sometimes considerably — more women and men, and the former are eagerly waiting for you to approach. But until then, passive game should do nicely.

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