"I need a drink," were her first words after I introduced myself.
It was a rainy Thursday evening as we hurried into a lounge in Midtown Manhattan.
I met Julia through a mutual friend a week before. We were both immigrants to the USA, born in the same part of the world and emigrating around the same time. I viewed our similar backgrounds with great optimism since I wouldn’t be meeting a stranger but someone who’d I be able to relate with, and vice-versa.
Julia, 25, 5’5", 100lbs, wearing black business clothes and black stilettos was the first to sit on a small cushion-like chair opposite of me.
We made ourselves comfortable, and right away I knew it was going to be "one of those dates." I knew I’d have to do most of the talking, and that I’d have to work to make her feel comfortable with me.
I began by telling her about me. I told her I like traveling, that I’ve lived abroad for many years in various exotic locales, met various people — some interesting, some boring, some who’ve changed my life. Even picked up a few languages along the way. Basically qualifying myself as someone remotely interesting and perhaps even making it worthwhile for her to be spending her precious time with me.
It got uncomfortable a few times. There’s only so much talking and flirting I can do before it becomes forced. When I listened, she kept circling back to her work and how it makes her happy. Her eyes lit up when she recounted how she was given more responsibility due to the absence of her co-worker who was on maternity leave.
That was pretty much the only time her eyes glowed.
What becomes apparent very quickly with American women is that the most important thing to them is how how they feel. Maybe it’s an artifact of the cut-through capitalism or a severe lack of emotional intelligence, but it is always the self that reigns supreme. Her emotional and physical state are what must be tended to at all times.
She’s not trying to get you to like her. She’s not relying on you for emotional support. She’s not relying on you for financial support. She’s using you as a vehicle for her own validation and empowerment.
Thanks to the feminist revolution and the battle against the "oppressive" males, she’s is, for better or worse, your equal, and your job is to somehow make yourself useful — namely by delivering that validation and empowerment.
—
We moved over to share a couch with the hope that she’d feel more comfortable and loosen up a bit. She sat at the farthest end possible while I sat comfortably in the middle facing her.
In Brazil, you usually get physical with a girl quickly (usually within an hour of meeting her, sometimes even quicker). Kiss just comes so naturally, like a handshake and is no big deal.
While Brazil is definitely at the extreme, things are not radically different in other parts of the world. In Central and Eastern Europe, while a kiss is a bigger deal, comfort is built much, much smoother and quicker. Maybe its the constant scare-mongering in the US media that makes people more isolated and less eager to connect.
In Ukraine, we’re usually best friends within an hour, enjoying our company, making future plans, etc.
In America, things are more like chess game. Each "opponent" waits the other’s calculated move. And each move has to have a perfect balance of aggressiveness and aloofness.
Making plans for a second date on the first? Too desperate. Not going for a kiss at the right time? Not aggressive enough.
Date #2
I invited her for some Spanish tapas the next weekend. My idea was to take her to an environment where I can break through her shield and see the real her, hopefully getting her to open up a bit more.
I told her about my multiple visits to Spain and the kind of tapas they have there. I told her that I have a good friend living in Barcelona whom I’ve visited few times, and how beautiful the city really is. I also told her how funny Spanish accent from Spain sounds and how people make fun of it in Latin America. She seemed interested but couldn’t relate; she has never traveled outside the US since coming here twelve years ago.
As we sat down she told me that she has duly researched the restaurant the night before and checked all the reviews. She even had ideas as to what to order. I asked her if she’d ever go into some hole next door without checking out the reviews before hand. She said she’d never do it at the risk at that place having awful food.
After the restaurant, I invited her to a Cuban bar in the East Village. We sat at the bar and ordered mojitos.
I sat next to her, facing her with our knees and legs touching. She was still holding back, playing it cool, and acting like a prize feeding on my flirting and innuendos.
Another thing you quickly learn about American women is their complete mastery of sarcastic expressions. Julia’s favorite was adding a disclaimer of "just don’t get too excited" every time she uttered anything remotely sexual.
Maybe it was the third mojito, but I admit she looked sexy that night. She carried herself with that black skirt and stilettos that even at some point she was worth the asking price in terms of all those games she was making me put up with just for me to get closer. Maybe reading "The Rules" and all those magazines were paying off for her, and that even a moderately attractive girl like her can become several points more desirable just by applying few techniques in flirting and body language.
As the night progressed, she was getting more flirty, smiling, playfully touching me and asking me more personal questions.
I continued flirting and then just looked into her eyes and paused. She gave the usual sarcastic reply, trivially downplaying my slowly escalating flirting, but started to grow uncomfortable. I didn’t say a word and kept looking, our eyes fully locked, waiting for her reaction, like a predator carefully stalking their prey.
She grew more uncomfortable even starting to ask me logical questions, a common technique to throw off any escalation — a complete one eighty degree turn from her previous flirtation self.
I didn’t flinch.
Feeling the tension rise, she began to feel self-conscious, lost in the interaction, unsure and unable to counter my advances.
And just like that it was gone. I took my eyes off her and stared outside to the right, towards the window. Like on cue, she began to re-compose herself, slowly regaining her artistic ability to crack witty questions and sarcastic remarks.
But it was all over. It was just façade; the empress had no clothes after all.
Then it all made sense, and I knew exactly with whom I was dealing with.
The harsh reality is that there can be only one Madonna, Lady Gaga, Shakira, or that slutty girl from Sex and The City, but because they’re such huge brands, there’re millions of women trying to emulate them with the understanding that that’s how women should behave. Maybe there’s a market of men who love to be with a girl who carries herself like she just walked off the set of a popular sitcom. (In fact there has to be some demand otherwise they’d be a lot of lonely, depressed and disappointed women.)
Personally, I don’t settle for anything less than the real thing, and thankfully, I’m usually pretty good at judging who is and isn’t.
It was all over. There’s nothing she could’ve said or done that could’ve changed it. This time it was me that gave her a window of opportunity but like a deer caught in the headlights she fumbled and fell exposing her lack of social and emotional intelligence.
Date #3
I reluctantly made plans with her the following weekend and not the one to cancel, agreed to see her again. Instead of meeting in Manhattan, she offered to pick me up, with a proclamation that "on weekends, I drive."
Her generous act of offering to pick me up felt less than something nice one does for another but more of her declaration of independence validating her womanly role in modern society.
She picked me up, and asked where we are going. Feeling completely uninspired, I told her it was her choice. So, like a good American girl, she suggested the movies.
That right there is why I travel. To learn other cultures, talk to other people, and get other perspectives on life. I want to know that there’s something more this world can offer me than going to see some mass produced product in some generic mass produced franchised venue with some generic person shaped by mass produced popular culture.
In Brazil, the most gorgeous girl I met in my life begged me to spend the night with her on the beach the night we met. She enjoyed meeting me and didn’t want the night to end. We fooled around on the sands of one of the most well-known beaches in the world laughing, smiling, kissing all while trying to communicate in any way possible.
A French girl invited me to check out a museum for a gallery she was curious about. She was the stereotypical French girl of how you imagine French girls: snobbish yet sophisticated. I loved that about her. She told me that Paris was too snobbish and that I should go to Toulouse or Bordeaux instead.
A Colombian girl took me to her favorite bar in a working-class neighborhood where I was the only foreigner. She ordered for me, introduced me to her friends, and made sure I had a good time.
A Lithuanian girl showed me around her city, showing me some monuments of important people while proudly explaining me the history of her small country.
A Czech girl showed me Prague like few tourists get to experience, ending in a local bar with the best beer I’ve ever had.
The American girl suggested we go see a movie.
—
After the movie, while we were having Sushi, she told me she wanted to ask me some questions. When I thought my night can’t get any worse, she duly pulled out her blackberry and began asking me a series of well thought-out questions that she designed to satisfy her great curiosity about me:
"What are your strengths?"
"What are your weaknesses?"
"Where do you see yourself in 5 years"
She viewed our interaction as job interview, explaining that like in job interviews our ultimate goal is to sell ourselves, and that’s what I should be doing.
So what you’re saying is that you don’t have enough emotional intelligence to satisfy those questions via other means and therefore must resort to explicitly asking me such questions with the hope that my answers would help you come to certain conclusions about me?
Interesting. All I knew that there’s no way I’d buy anything she’s selling because there would be absolutely no value in it whatsoever.
Sure, I could’ve thought of some clever answers to seem more desirable in her eyes, but why bother. I long began to view myself as an observer, perhaps as a marketing researcher, psychologist or a social scientist who was experimenting with some newly found human specie – Woman Americanus.
I was no longer in seduction mode but more interested in satisfying my curiosity by reverse engineering her behavior and see why and how it all came about.
Surely she was normal once?
—-
When you meet an American girl, what you’re really meeting is the walking and talking brand represented by thousands of hours that were spent marketing, advertising and selling to her and her demographic. That girl who sits next to you on the B train in Manhattan wearing skinny jeans, a nice fitting leather jacket, high heels, and carrying a Louis Vuitton bag is a live advertisement representing a handful of corporations that have won the battle for her heart and mind.
Furthermore it’s not only her tastes in fashion that were carefully constructed and molded, but more importantly her mind as well.
What’s left is a shell of her former self. She learns how to interact with men through magazines, mass media and relationship websites. She dates online, flirting and rejecting candidates from the comfort and security of her laptop.
She reads articles that explain everything from when to return a guy’s call to when is the right time to sleep with a guy.
She thinks that being overly sarcastic is sexy, and that being distant and unattainable drives men wild.
She has no personality, no originality and no femininity.
She’s a workaholic, trying to progress career-wise in the face of continuing "male oppression." She also has a chip on her shoulder, using any opportunity to prove that she’s in control by whipping out the credit card as soon as the bill comes and doing anything she can to prevent you from paying.
—–
If there’s one thing I love more than women is seducing them.
I love seducing Mexican, Brazilian, Colombian, Russian, Lithuanian and Argentinian women.
American women, on the other hand, are not seducible. You can’t seduce American women.
You can get them drunk and have sex with them in the club’s bathroom, but that’s not seduction.
They won’t make you grow. They won’t inspire you. They won’t teach you new things you don’t already know.
After getting home, the first thing I did was devise a plan of yet again leaving this country for far greener and inspiring lands.
BTW, have you seen my new Facebook page? Click here to check it out, and click Like :)Tweet
Recommended for you:
For information on how to meet and date Brazilian girls, subscribe to my Brazilian Dating newsletter and find out when my long-awaited Brazilian Dating Guide is released.
{ 103 comments… read them below or add one }
Crushing analysis. Well done.
@twitter-14458643:disqus Thanks Roosh
Excellent post, one of the best things I’ve read in a long time.
They’ve become our “co-workers”. And a man wants a wife, not a co-worker :
http://www.the-spearhead.com/2012/02/20/a-man-wants-a-wife-not-a-co-worker
You might also enjoy : ForeignBride Product Review : Finding a Model That’s Right for You
http://www.the-spearhead.com/2012/03/19/foreignbride-product-review-finding-a-model-thats-right-for-you
Well done, sir. Excellent analysis. This resonates with me entirely since I’ve traveled plenty… just came back from South America a few weeks ago and upon landing in DC, I asked myself, “Why do I live here?”
The life of an expat is the way to go.
Hopefully you’ve answered that question in a way that makes sense
Great post.
Even though I haven’t been on this rock for that long, I’ve had enough experience to meet a few girls like this. The calculated aloofness, the holding back, the sarcasm. “Chess Match” is exactly what it is. And it’s not fun.
Thanks for reminding me of why I’m spending 52 weeks a year outside of the USA. If you haven’t been to Lima yet, it’s worth your time!
This is depressing as can be but spot on. You’ve really hit the nail on the head many times over, kudos man.
Thanks man.
I’ve spent some time abroad as well and the contrast displayed in the story is spot on. I can remember every first date I had with a foreign woman because they were indeed memorable. Whether it was skinny dipping at night in the Adriatic or attending a crazy Slovakian birthday party, I can’t think of any date I had with an American girl that can top any of those.
I couldn’t have said it better myself. I’m also a 1.5 generation immigrant to the US who managed to “escape” America and have been living abroad for over a decade now. My travels spanned Latin America and Europe, just like yourself, and I can empathize with you on many levels.
For the first few years of being abroad, I was just giddy over the fact that I was sleeping with sexy women from Brazil, France, Italy, England, Germany, Russia, etc. I couldn’t believe how blind I was back in the U.S., thinking that the local bars & clubs filled with mediocre women was as good as it gets in this world.
As my standards inevitably rose, I started to roam further and further into the periphery countries of Europe, in search of a country where young, easy, beautiful women grew on trees. Luckily, I happened to be in Eastern Europe during the golden years (pre-Ryan Air), and reaped the rewards of being a relatively well-to-do foreigner in countries where the average salary was less than 1000 euros per month.
The strange thing was, after about the 5th year of sewing my wild oats every weekend with anonymous women whose names I can’t even recall, a deep malaise and depression started to consume me. My libido started to go down. Conversations with women and the relationship lifecycle felt endlessly repetitive. The more I started to understand the local lingo and cultural norms, the more jaded, cynical, and negative I became towards women. I wanted a meaningful relationship. I wanted to find love. I even started thinking about having children.
Eventually, I tried to settle down with a girl. I thought this would get rid of the void and emptiness I’d feel after yet another meaningful fuck. I assumed that the six years I spent spreading the legs of women across every forgotten nook and corner of Eastern Europe had gotten everything out of my system and that I was finally ready to move onto the next phase of my adult life.
I was wrong. After a year and a half of being in a long-term relationship, I felt just as miserable as before. I tried taking on multiple Russian mistresses, hoping that the Italian Berlusconi Way might strike the right balance between monogamy and man’s natural desire for variety. I was wrong again. It killed what little remaining appetite I had for sex with my long-term girlfriend. We broke up.
I went on my final sexual shooting spree, rampaging across multiple cities and countries in a drunken haze of vodka, blondes, brunettes, redheads, and bodily fluids. For whatever reason, women who remained just beyond my grasp during my younger years fell to my dark charms like bowling pins. And I do mean dark charms, because I began to feel like a psychic vampire, lacking motivation to make conversation or engage with others in a meaningful way unless it happened to be with a woman I wanted to take to bed. I was the energizer bunny, and the only batteries that fit were gorgeous women who I tried to fuck away all my frustrations and insecurities with.
Fast-forward to today and to make a long story short, I now find myself in no man’s land. I still find nothing redeeming about life in America except for the ability to generate money. On the other hand, fulfillment never comes from sexual excess. Believe me, I’ve tried and I’ve tried, more so than 99% of men I know. Where I go from here is what preoccupies me night and day.
You sound disgusting. I wouldn’t touch you with a six foot pole.
Keep your pole to yourself, mister
Have you tried helping random people? I hear its quite fulfilling =)
Stop chasing women for a change and ask yourself what you really want out of life. Try abstinence and see how you go. What is lacking in your life, that you feel you need to fill it up with constant travel, women and relationships? Perhaps you feel spiritual emptiness? We all feel that, we must find our own way to spiritual peace. If you despise mainstream religion, don’t worry, I wasn’t advocating you go to church or see a priest; you may just need to find your own relationship with your Maker. Try seeing a counsellor or read stuff on spiritual matters.
I think he might be blessed, hearing the call to/being led to repentance by the Holy Spirit.
Those “backward puritanical bigots” in the bible that said to avoid premarital sex….do you think they could have *maybe*, just maybe, had a point?
you reap the rewards of what you sow, whatever they might be. Besides, the only true joy is the joy of salvation through the resurrection in body of the Messiah by the Spirit and being born again of that Spirit.
BTW church buildings or man’s man-led institutions have nothing to do with the Spirit, our bodies being the temple for it. Spirit led repentence and belief in resurrection and getting to know the risen Messiah KING is the way
@70e7591a03e6eb3f02a0e22ba05ee2ce:disqus Well said; especially this: ” I still find nothing redeeming about life in America except for the ability to generate money.”
a must read for every american man. that’s why i left the states and am now living in spain.
Spain is a great place.
And feminists wept.
In from roosh bump
Ojalá las colombianas no se conviertan en el tipo de mujeres que describes en este post.
Um, just since no one else has chimed in from another perspective here, how about:
Yikes! Here’s what happens when one narcissist finally encounters another!
”If there’s one thing I love more than women is seducing them”Um really? Then you’re surprised to meet someone who is also assessing you for what she can get rather than relating to you with vulnerability like a human being that wants to connect and bond? Pot-kettle anyone? How surprising!!
This article is a long rant issued by a wounded narcissist. I mean it’s clear from moment one that she just wasnt that into him!
Maybe it’s that he’s spent all this time seducing the women of the world, letting them take HIM out to interesting places, open themselves to him, and then him not sticking around to have a real relationship with them. And when he meets a girl even more shallow and loveless than himself, he just cant believe it that he doesnt get the free ride he’s used to!
Sure there are shallow people, driven by their own immaturity and narcissism (i.e. their own loveless upbringing/family life creates this deficiency in them) to create false selves comprised entirely of media validated standards of beauty and success to buttress their love-impoverished egos…
And maybe this is worse in the US due to our agressive media and corporate culture, emphasis on individuality, and isolated nuclear family structure… But sadly, fake, empty people can happen anywhere.
More to the point is that human beings want to bond, connect, and mate. And they have a whole instinctive system of emotional and social and sexual engagement with which to do it. But we are also conscious beings that get hurt (in relationship to others) and tripped up on the memories and unprocessed emotional legacies of those hurts, and it starts to warp our relating equipment.
If you dont have the relationship or dating life that you want, look at yourself, go to therapy, or at the very least ask yourself: am I really open to relationship? Do I have the courage to give as well as receive? Do I know myself? Am I willing for someone to truly see me? Do I actually understand myself that’d I could reasonably ask that someone else understand me? Would I want to live with me? At least be willing to own up to your own ambivalence.
The most screamingly obvious question this article raises is why he went out with her again and again when she was so obviously uninterested/unavailable from the start?
And sure she’s fake, but there’s nothing real, vulnerable, or authentic about a guy relatingto you merely from the desire to “seduce” women.
*BTW, I am also first generation american, i.e. bi-cultural. Having been raised by Latin Americans, one of whom is Brazilian, and having lived in Europe and been married to a European.
Blah blah blah i’m a divorced bitter woman and my feelings are hurt that you don’t see all of us as princesses blah blah blah
Ok Hector Projector, you’re the one who wrote a whole article…
Spot on.
This article disturbed me. To summarize it: “she didn’t fuck me instantly or entertain me properly therefore FEMINISM IS FAILURE AND WOMEN ARE TERRIBLE”
I agree with you saying that this article is just plain disturbing. I didn’t even know that there were guys like this out there. That’s just scary. Total creep.
“This article is a long rant issued by a wounded narcissist. I mean it’s clear from moment one that she just wasnt that into him!”
And you know this how? Given my experience with American women, she was displaying all signs that she was into me. Didn’t really matter anyway.
“and having lived in Europe and been married to a European.”
I really feel sorry for the poor dude.
@Violet Mud seems to have missed the point. This guy (Maverick) has been on three dates with this chick – it’s not about his “game” failing (I’ve never been a believer in that PUA bs anyway – if you’re fat, ugly and socially inept, no amount of “game” will help unless you’re seriously loaded). Clearly this girl was approaching him as a potential suitor – that’s what makes her complete lack of social and emotional intelligence particularly disturbing. And this is ostensibly the ideal of the young professional woman that we hold up in our society. Forget a date, even if I was meeting someone for the first time, I’d expect them to at least be able to carry on a meaningful personal conversation without completely throwing off my awkward-o-meter.
I also feel like Maverick didn’t address clearly enough the elephant in the room – the ubiquity of “social media”. Increasingly, our society’s idea of “hanging out” is on Twitter, Facebook and text messages; the majority of today’s dating pool were raised by divorced / single parents and as a result their gender roles are shaped by mass media and corporate agendas rather than the traditional mother / father figures; and probably the only time they’ve had a mature one-on-one, face-to-face conversation with another person is during (*ring, ring, ring*) an interview. It’s ridiculous and sad that people here are trashing this article as a failed date rant – there’s absolutely nothing wrong if a girl doesn’t like you or you don’t hit it off, it’s perfectly normal, but this article touches on something much deeper and more sinister – we’re looking at a society where humans are unable to form any meaningful unions (we’re already at that point, in fact) and are expected to have no emotional value attached to them (we’re nearly there too).
It’s depressing, but I think Maverick Traveler nailed it top to bottom.
“Forget a date, even if I was meeting someone for the first time, I’d expect them to at least be able to carry on a meaningful personal conversation without completely throwing off my awkward-o-meter.”
I also think I wasn’t asking too much.
“I also feel like Maverick didn’t address clearly enough the elephant in the room – the ubiquity of “social media”"
Social media, corporatism, feminism. That’s the reason why we’re in this mess in the first place.
I forgot to mention that this girl was also glancing at her BlackBerry from time to time to check emails from match.com (or another dating service).
I came to Eastern Europe, went on a date with a girl and she actually just sat there and LISTENED to what I had to say without checking her phone every five minutes. It was a strange experience.
Thanks for writing such an insightful comment.
Slow….. fucking…. clap……….
My only suggestion is that you tried to hard to qualify yourself, this is American women after all, should have switched the script made her qualify herself to you
Brilliance… Sheer and utter brilliance…
The irony of sex in the USA is that it is both scarce and abundant. If you go
the relationship approach — sex becomes scarce. If you treat sex as a
business,it becomes abundant. The author of the article took the relationship
approach and hence had to deal with sex scarcity. When it comes to sex, both
males and females control the social structure in what seems like cycles. When
male sexuality (muliple partners) is dominant, females suffer. When female
sexuality is dominant (hypergamy) males suffer. Cleary in the USA female
hypergamy is the dominat factor which was assisted by the rise of feminism.
Well written; surprised you gave her three dates, though considering the amount of experience you have (unless it was for experimental purposes).
I always have a good time when I travel to the U.S.
More like a science experiment, and to fully appreciate why I don’t live there full time. Your write up is hilarious, you are a patient, patient man.
If you ever make it to Thailand, let me know. Stuffs is nuts here, I just ended up with some mafia casino boss daughter. Yikes. http://two.cedonulli.com/2012/03/the-casino-bosses-daughter/
Makes me wanna never go to America. The American girls I meet abroad leave much to be desired.
This is really a great article. I wrote a book called “What Men Know that Women Don’t” (Amazon; Kindle; iBooks) that might help some of the guys below — there IS an answer to ennui with women.
One of my loyal readers sent me to this link. Here’s the comment he wrote here:
“If I had to sum up the main difference between American women and American men it would be as follows; women have become, unbeknownst to them, the conduit for big business to control men, while men, though many are still somewhat impressionable to the propaganda of capitalism, are able to sometimes think independently of any organized structure or group. We retain our individuality more. In return for women giving their souls to the almighty “free” market, they have been rewarded with better jobs than their male counterparts. But believe me, they are paying for it dearly. Whether the author meant to or not, he is advocating populism.”
By populism he means: economically Leftist, socially conservative. I can’t explain a 500 page book here, but modern women became Corporate Whores, workaholics willing to do whatever capitalism told them to do to make lots of money without counting on men. Prostitutes sell their bodies for money. Modern American women sold their souls for money. And they’re proud of it. That’s why their whole life is like a job interview where they’re selling themselves. They are polluted by a marketing mentality and not even critical of it.
Like I said, there is a solution. But it’s not a sound bite. It’s more like a cave painting. It takes just about 500 pages to draw it out entirely.
It has to do with recovering “soul”.
And yes, I have lived in 25 different countries too. After a few days women are basically the same wherever you go.
This is an interesting post. However it seems odd to blanketly say women have sold their souls, whereas only men can “sometimes think for themselves”… Things have definitely been shifting of late relative to the gender power balance, but wouldn’t it be better for us to find balance and understanding rather than simply trading who’s playing the dominant role?
Women have sold their souls to corporate America? That explains why social work, education, human services, and soon health care are dominated by women? Aren’t we just evil.
Walk into any financial firm or insurance company and you won’t find one woman manager, men are still the ones who occupy most of these corporate jobs. I’m in the business for now.
They also sold themselves to the state.
“That’s why their whole life is like a job interview where they’re selling themselves. They are polluted by a marketing mentality and not even critical of it.”
The first sentence sums pretty much to a T my experience with American women.
Nowhere is this more evident than in online dating, where it’s all “me, me, me,” bolstered by a faux sense of abundance. Think of all the employers out there with the laundry list of skills that no candidate could possibly have. Yet, they can get away with it because of the mass of unemployed out there.
Well said. Online dating is one big jungle out there. Why would a girl put in any effort on a date when she’s got an inbox with ten messages waiting for her?
Why should this young woman put out to you on the third date? Who are you to her? Are you an SO, a boyfriend, a serious suitor? Women have learned that most guys just wanna get in their pants, pump and dump, as is so common for American guys these days. You are nobody to her, you don’t deserve intimacy from her. What did you give her? She’s obviously desirable – young, skinny and well dressed. This is not Ukraine where that’s a somewhat of a norm so you should’ve been grateful for that. In countries with normal ratios men compete for such women. You sound full of yourself, as if women by default are supposed to put out for you, give you comfort, pleasure, just because you asked them out on a date. She was clearly a sophisticated girl with a good job who knows her value. You are not her type – a globe trodder, who fucks around the world – you think women can’t decipher that from your story? She wants someone with a good job instead. It’s clear she wasn’t into you. You’re aiming too high. Next time pick someone your own age who doesn’t wear stilletos. You just entitled, as if you are automatically entitled to a women giving you pleasure. You’re not. Sex is not a right. You American men watch and create too much porn. That can make you unlovable. As a European myself, some of you just seem so sexist and aggressive. The only thing you’re right about is that American women are generally not as feminine and physically attractive as women in other parts of the world. But don’t blame the women for consumerism, the fact that your society is ultra materialistic, is not women’s fault, men participate in consumerism and rat race immensely. Don’t accuse the women of the ills your society as a whole has created. As to the feminism, you shouldn’t have fucked around as you did in the 70s, that’s when the women started hating you, because you got too promiscuous.
news flash: men, and humans as a species, have been promiscuous far before the 70′s
Right on. The woman clearly wasn’t interested enough in you. And if American women are “ruined” by heavy marketing and media pressure, aren’t American men as well?
I agree with the porn thing. I rather see people having sex on the street than think about some random guy watching porn in his basement. Repression is disgusting.
“This is not Ukraine where that’s a somewhat of a norm so you should’ve been grateful for that.”
And you’re from where, sweetheart? Not that far Ukraine, are you?
“Who are you to her?”
And who was she to him? If he was telling the truth, it was quite evident what she was to him: a woman with crippled social intelligence who couldn’t interact with a guy in a relaxed way and that didn’t involve treating the date like a job interview. Checklisting, checklisting she did in her head.
“What did you give her?”
And what did she give him? Her oh-so-valuable time? If so, sounds like she was throwing him a bone and validating herself in the process. Sure, it was a “date,” but since when did all human interaction have to be so transactional anymore?
“She’s obviously desirable. . .”
To fuck, maybe, but not to hold and to nuture. I certainly wouldn’t have put up with her corporatized bullshit for more than two dates.
“You sound full of yourself . . .”
As did she. Me, me, me . . . It was quite obvious in the beginning of the date when she talked about herself and her career and then asked him the “what do you do?” question.
“as if women by default are supposed to put out for you, give you comfort, pleasure, just because you asked them out on a date.”
And as if men, by default, are supposed to do all the talking and entertaining and, of course, pay for everything on the date. Problem is, men can’t easily wiggle out of that obligation in the US as they could in other cultures.
“She was clearly a sophisticated girl ”
To me, “sophisticated” means talking about things other than your job and pop culture. If, as he said, she hadn’t been out of the US in over 12 years, she’s quite shallow in that department. Not “sophisticated” at all, regardless of how often she might be at Lincoln Center or Broadway to see a show, and rub shoulders with so-called actors.
“She wants someone with a good job instead.”
In other words, the higher-status and non-threatening beta provider type to fund her Manhattan lifestyle while fucking Wall Street alphas.
“You just entitled, as if you are automatically entitled to a women giving you pleasure”
Refer to my previous comment. American women are some of the most entitled on the planet.
“But don’t blame the women for consumerism, the fact that your society is ultra materialistic”
Those who participate in, and therefore support the system, are to blame. That includes women. I’d also add that women are MORE to blame because they tend to be the sex that consumes the most resources — those that men create and acquire through several means.
Dude, why’d you erase my posts? Are you afraid of the truth? It IS the truth about American men the way I see it. Too much into porn and too selfish.
This guy was aiming too high and the girl was never into him.
And, by the way: I speak four languages, I’m well read, well travelled, have exquisite interests such as philosophy, art, medieval music, dark ambient clubs, I love watching sports, going to museums, concerts, markets, etc. And I find nothing wrong with going to the movies. Yea, 80% of Hollywood is utter crap, but some of it is ok, so what’s bad about going to see it as a passtime? it is not a woman’s job to bring out some mega super engaging performance just to entertain you.
“I speak four languages, I’m well read, well travelled, have exquisite interests such as philosophy, art, medieval music, dark ambient clubs, I love watching sports, going to museums, concerts, markets, etc”
And you’re still not attractive to men. Time to add a new hobby called “being a woman”.
Well said.
You sound like a man. Is that how you want to present yourself?
How does anything Euro Girl said sound remotely manly? Or is having cool interests and skills only something men can do?
Ironically, anybody curious about what is going “wrong” with American women need only read Euro Girl’s comments. Apparently, we’ve reached a point where being skinny and having a vag elevates you to the level of Aphrodite, unnecessary to bring anything else to the table. Us American men should just be “grateful for that”. After all, “this is not Ukraine where that’s a somewhat of a norm.”
And lets not forget, emotional and physical intimacy (read: seduction) is now a one way road, .and only men gain anything from it. A man should never assume a woman’s company should be pleasurable. She just has to be skinny and modestly attractive in the land of flip-flops and potty-mouthed (but oh so witty) “women”.
The real takeaway here – ideas aren’t bound by borders. The philosophy that is degrading American femininity is alive and well in other countries… and plenty of females (even some European ones) are yet to question WHY more and more men are growing disillusioned with Femininity 2.0.
Instead, these same women turn it back around, fooling themselves into believing it’s a fault of the man. After all, what kind of REAL MAN would leave the States to pursue women that don’t wear sweatpants and Uggs to the grocery store? Why would any REAL MAN expect a woman to be socially intelligent enough to build intimacy without an explicit interview?
Oh, and [insert a list of unrelated qualifying statements here.]
Very interesting article that gives a lucid breakdown of the pitfalls of the modern American “career woman”. Seriously, I feel so uninspired to even talk to most the women here. I’m tired of the loudness of American women, the sarcasm and abrasiveness, the crass demeanor. Talking to them can be annoying. I’m pretty sure if I marry, it will be to a foreign woman.
Foreign women are quickly turning into American women, so hurry up!
It’s depressing but true. I wonder if there’s any good news for men? Us the future going to be hell?
I’m pretty sure feminism will collapse its just not sustainable.
I read part of this obnoxious, contrite garbage posing as an article before being compelled by its vapid style and broad stereotypes to skip down here to the comment section to ask the obvious questions: how long did you spend on this? Why did you pursue this woman who you clearly had nothing whatsoever in common with? Does it comfort you to blame your own social failings on others? Have you noticed that all of the nationalities of the women you can’t keep off your jock are from some of the world’s poorest countries? Some cocksman you are.
thanks Tom…you took the words out of my mouth
“Contrite”? As you’ve been running errands for your fat wife your intellect has gone quite flabby, no?
Make that “trite”. Thank you for your refreshingly mature post on my misuse of the word “contrite” and your insightful remarks on my family life, Mr. Lido. What the Internet needs is more heroic anonymous grammarians like you.
MAV you’re my hero! great post. If i ever run into you on the street i’m buying you a cape and the first round
I’m counting on it!
Odd that you seem to take such offense to women offering to pay in New York, when the Girl from Lapa paid for your dates…?
And you didn’t even bring up how more and more American women under 50, especially in California, talk in Valley Girl accents that makes them sound like not particularly bright 6 year old’s who have eaten way to much sugar.
Haha, I lived in California for many years…It’s a joke, really how stupid they look, especially when they end up abroad.
Was in New York Last summer.
-Met a girl who was a DJ, Who invited me to a bunch of wild parties. Took me around New York, pointing out where many celebrities live, told me about the underground music scene
-Met a girl who was studying Art Major, who took me to a bunch of museums who she knew all surprisingly well. And a couple of art gallery opening ( open bar FTW)
- Met a girl who worked as a volunteer around the world in poor nations as both a teacher and a nurse. Introduced me to her friends, had a massive roof party for 4th of july.
You just have to decide what you are looking for. In NYC, mini skirts and the fancy clothes that is standard in eastern europe is reserved for exactly the type of girl you described. Because the girls that are actually interesting don’t need attract randoms in the hopes of finding true love or whatever. They have friends, friends of friends, and they dont need you. You’re about as interesting to hang out with as a lonely planet article. (do you want to brag any more about your travels?). Out of the girls listed, I only saw the DJ girl in heels, and only while she was performing. The rest wear converse shoes and flip flops.
That’s the whole point…I want femininity, not a girl who “looks good” in converse and flip-flops
Yes!
hahaha great response Genuine. I think the writer thinks he’s super cool because he went to Paris once on a tour. Good stuff. Funny that he went on the third date because he’s “not one to cancel,” even if he had no interest in the girl. Sounds a lot like “I Can’t Pull Any Pussy.” hahaha he couldn’t even pull the trigger and says it was because she was “social inept.” He should try a prostitute, he might have better luck.
I’m guessing you’re a woman, because if you’re a man, that’s pretty sad.
Judging others emotional intelligence based on casual interaction is lack of emotional intelligence. Staring at someone tactlessly shows the real lack of emotional intelligence. What was your point? to show that you are more powerful because you can hold a gaze.
What did you have to offer? stories about your travels, as some type of badge of being worthwhile as a human being.
& when you say ‘American women’ – who are you talking about? Many where not born in the United States, but yet were raised there and they & others, consider them to be American women.
A date is not a casual interaction. That’s the whole point of them. Staring at someone with whom you are on your third date is not “tactless”, exactly.
@facebook-100000756111552:disqus well said.
The truth and it hurts, not use but THEM and some in the overseas dating/bride game want to consider recent immigrants. If they came over here for any other reasons than finding a nice man then NO leave them alone.
Great article. Firstly why did you waste 3 dates with this “woman”. Also the statement you made: ”
She also has a chip on her shoulder, using any opportunity to prove that she’s in control by whipping out the credit card as soon as the bill comes and doing anything she can to prevent you from paying”, uh,not in my experience they don’t. Usually American women leech off men by going on dates allowing the men to pay for everything without even buying one drink in return.
1. Because as I wrote above, “I long began to view myself as an observer, perhaps as a marketing researcher, psychologist or a social scientist who was experimenting with some newly found human specie – Woman Americanus. ”
2. It depends on the women. I mostly dealt with “career” business women from big liberal coastal cities. Those always pay.
Hahahaha oh my god! Baby boy, you need to get out there more! Don’t let one shitty girl break your spirit! It’s sad really. Or you’re right – you just need to move to Europe. One less dumbass American guy us idiots need to deal with. Ciao
Best Post Ever, You re great. How come so many catholic fundamentalist are on this blog? I didnt expect such a strange audience for this blog.
Hah, I have no idea. Seems like haters always find you, no matter what.
Hah, no idea, but haters always find a way to be heard.
Probably one of the great
pieces of writing I have read in a long time. I could have written this piece
(not as well) many times over the years having lived in DC for 7 years. I have
so much to say on this topic.
Also more importantly I am
happily married to an American born and bred female so have no bitterness or
resentment to American women which can cloud my opinions. Suffice to say my
wife is from the US/Canadian border area and we married before moving to DC
which are probably factors. I do have many guy friends who are single and have
been many a wing man so I see what my friends go through in this dating jungle
that is the US.
Everything you write is exactly true based on my experiences. I think the
culture of the US is to
blame as for example your date was with a lady who has only lived in the US for 12
years, so she is not American born. It is not a race stereotype I don’t think.
It’s more to do with wealth, location. Young professional women be it white,
asian or immigrant, living in a US
metro area are so similar to this. African Americans can be similar but
generally are more approachable, laid back and witty. So it seems to be a
cultural media driven thing.
Living in the US you accept
it after a while even become indifferent to it. It’s only when you travel
outside of the US, you
realise how much fun foreign girls are and how much we miss out on in the US. And all of
this applies to friendship too.
As a happily married man,
it is virtually impossible to have female friends in the US. American men
in the US
are much more aggressive than elsewhere (they will also use the lifestyle
magazines ‘rules’ on how to approach women). American men generally have poor
social skills and can be just as uptight. Their aggression though makes
American women very defensive and untrustworthy- ‘is he talking to me to get me
in bed or does he generally like me?’. I get this feeling all the time when I
talk to women.
American women as a result
of being media led (Sex and the City is the worst thing that could have happened
to men) are all on a pedestals especially if you are considered attractive.
Most women meet their husbands or future husbands in college so by the age of
25, most are already taken. They also have a core of friends (usually again
from college) and they live in this cocoon for the rest of their lives. Work,
that Master’s degree, yoga, gym, pilates, visiting family back in their
hometowns – all of this is time consuming so the only free time they have is
spent with their core friends – the cocoon.
To even think about
becoming friends with a woman in the US, you have to break into this
cocoon which is almost impossible as both the woman and her friends will be
susceptible about you- the outsider and any boyfriend/male friends will
physically protect her. I wanted to connect with a Peace Corps lady who did
actually live abroad for a while. She worked in my office for a while and then
had to leave. I wanted to keep in touch with her as a friend so we met up for
lunch one day. She brought a male friend along! It has gotten to the stage that
my friends and I play this game in bars & clubs. If you are talking to a
girl and she is not single (even if the conversation is benign, light and
friendly) her boyfriend will always appear and will either kiss her or hug her
on arrival to get the neanderthal message across that ‘she is mine’. Asking a
woman in the US
out for lunch even for purely business reasons is just uncomfortable. It will
not happen unless she has to attend and even then she will be uncomfortable.
Maybe it is a puritanical
thing that sex is repressed in America.
Hard work and violence is more accepted and comfortable. Perhaps this
repression only drives compulsive sexual thoughts and that is why women are
uncomfortable with even meeting guys for business lunches? Catholic countries
seem to be more sexually open, less isolated, less individualistic and women
can be friends with guys with ease. In these countries you will see guys and
girls hanging out all the time.
I find it all sad to be
honest. I use have some resentment towards women in America
but after a while I have realised that being a woman in the US is extremely
tough. You are expected to be ‘hot’, slightly sexy in dress but not too sexy,
dress a certain way (Ann Taylor!) , expected to have it all – and this is
extremely stressful. It is a very judgmental society and a woman’s friends are
the judges. Being accepted by her friends is most of the battle. The man has to
look a certain generic way (how many gorgeous girls in the US do you see
with a tall, dark haired thin pale male in a preppy look?), has to have a ‘good
job’, a car etc. All of these requirements plus the lack of free time results
in interview type dates.
Alot of American women
suffer because of this culture. They are certainly not ‘free’ to live as they
chose and alot of them are lonely and will develop anxiety or mental health
issues as they get older as a lot of them live these prescribed lives. Enter
the medications and the therapists!
One other observation I
have made is again the puritanical (degraded) view of sex. Words like ‘junk’ or
‘fuck’, ‘bang’, ‘nail’ are all used. Eurogirl on this blog (who is now
Americanized) uses the crass ‘pump and dump’. Sex is used in the same tones as
emptying your bowels – not enjoyable but something you have to do. That says it
all for me. Americans are so work obsessed that everything is a chore and they
do not know how to enjoy pleasure. Work, sex, shopping, eatiing – all necessary
robotic chores it seems. Even ‘entertainment’ has the attitude of
‘okay- I have one free hour – entertain me. NOW’! Check.
Elizabeth Gilbert makes
these same points in the Italian chapters of ‘Eat Pray Love’ which brings me
onto my next point. Some Americans have the same view of America as we do and vacation in Europe any chance they get. Especially young females. In
my company in DC, we had ten new females who started and they had to introduce
themselves in a firmwide meeting with slides about themselves. 8/10 had
pictures of themselves vacationing in Europe – Paris,
Venice, etc.
Yet they will always say
they ‘love America’
without thinking but they never say why such is the drummed in patriotism that
they have.
Great, great feedback. Thanks.
I especially agree with this:
“Living in the US you accept it after a while even become indifferent to it. It’s only when you travel outside of the US, you realise how much fun foreign girls are and how much we miss out on in the US. And all of this applies to friendship too.”
Love the blog! One of the keys to understanding American women is to look at their value earlier in American history. Knowing American history will help one understand why women have an inflated sense of value today. In the non-city areas of California during the times of the gold-rush , and in other rural areas, meeting a woman who wasn’t a prostitute was so rare as to be nearly impossible. The miners and workers were all single, young men. There weren’t any woman available–other than prostitutes. And when I say there weren’t any woman available, I don’t just mean single woman. There weren’t even any married women in these areas. And in a society where prostitutes were regarded as filth, men were surrounded by females they viewed as less than human. Sure, they all slept with whores, but they viewed these people as something other than women.
However, they viewed a “good woman” (non-whore) as having a higher social standing than almost anyone else. The two people of highest social standing rural America 150 years ago were doctors and “good women”. You may get away with killing another male worker, prostitute, or friend. But you would never get away with killing a doctor or a “good woman”. Why? Because they were rare and seen as being on a far, far higher level than a single working man was.
“Good women” were so rare, and so valuable, that working men would sometimes wait in line and PAY to see and hear a woman who wasn’t a prostitute. Read that last line again. PAY just to SEE a woman who wasn’t a prostitute, the same way we pay today to see a performer. They would pay to see and hear an already married woman–not just a single woman. Incredible as this sounds, this was the case. Scarcity of a resource and a screwed up early American morality produced this scenario. Woman had hyper-inflated value back then. But this was only 150 years ago!
Woman in other countries, that haven’t been recently settled, have realistic value–which is why woman in other countries today seem more normal to us men who have traveled.
American woman suffer from a poisonous legacy of hyper-inflated self importance. It will take many generations for a this problem to correct itself in the USA, but the correction will inevitable. American women will come around and be like women in other countries in, say, 300 or so years. As men in America cease to breed with the most extreme cases of crazy American women, the gene trait of hyper-self importance will fade. We just have to hang in there!
Great analysis. Clears up a lot of misunderstanding.
Not many “good women” are left in modern day USA.
Interesting read. Noticed one more or less common thread. Collectivist.
More than once, individualism was portrayed as a ‘bad’ thing. Most comments talk about the culture, the lack of advancement of it, or the marketing influences upon it. Like each individual human is ‘owned’ by the collective culture. Like there isn’t any choice in how a person responds to their environment. Like there is no individual responsibility.
Look, I’m 62. I did the ‘pump and dump’ prior to meeting my American wife. We raised 3 kids together, learned how to love together and didn’t split. Came close, but didn’t. Not till she died anyhow. Car wreck. Tragic. The point is, I wasn’t who I am now when I married her. And she wasn’t the girl I married when she died. We both grew, together. She was far more susceptible to marketing then I was. Gently, over the years, she became more ‘buyer beware’ aware. I learned from her more than I can ever even express.
She liked to travel to Europe or anywhere, anytime. I never saw much purpose, other than being a respondent to marketing. It’s a ‘status symbol’ to be widely traveled. Not much different than carrying a name brand purse, or wearing fashionable clothing.
I’m sure, I slept with well over 100 different women before I met ‘the one’. She knew that. Her job, the people she knew, her social and political connections were of zero importance to me, as mine were to her. It was ‘us’. She and I against the world, raising our kids to be intelligent and discerning.
Human beings are human beings, no matter which country they live in. Look beneath the surface. One of my fondest memories of her, was how she would just glow when we threw a party at the house. I would spend most of the party, just watching her experience so much pleasure at being alive and able to share with others. That’s who she was. Her job did not define her anymore than mine defined me. In fact, she defined me. She was my purpose for living, the meaning to endure the day to day grind. In the hot tub, a few years before she died, we were arguing once again. I told her straight up, Look, if you want a divorce, you file. I will never file. I won’t fight you, you can have everything, just let me take one of the cars, my cloths and the beer in the fridge. It was all purchased for you, it was all built for you. It would not be ours if not for you. The fighting in our marriage ended that day.
OK, that’s it from ‘Dad’. You kids have fun and continue to grow.
You certainly hit the nail on the head with traveling being a kind of status symbol — especially nowadays with online travel bookings, package trips, and cheap airfares (at least in Europe). Many more people can afford to do it now than in years past. And, they can travel to the same old spots, take pics, and then post them on Facebook. Yeah, like we really give a hoot.
Good observation. I find it ridiculous how these PUAs go on about “fulfilling your genetic duty of dispersing your genes in as many women as possible” when they know they would never raise children with these one-night stands (sex with a condom is just half the deed to me). I still believe that no matter how promiscuous a man is, the best avenue for fulfilling our most elementary role in life as a male species is still good ol’ fashioned marriage with the right woman who knows her long-term role in life. Sadly, finding the “right woman” is next to impossible in modern-day Western society – thanks to feminist leftist brainwashing, the normal genetic order has been completely turned on its head. But then again, there’s always the option of converting to Islam, settling down in a third world country with up to four young submissive wives to raise your brood.
You don’t need to convert to Islam; just go to South America or Eastern Europe.
What an inspiring article! I am so glad I found this. Excellent analysis, my friend! Followed you on Twitter for some more good reading.
I think this is your problem: http://i.imgur.com/ooH9U.jpg
Maybe American girls just don’t find you attractive?
Quite possibly. On the other hand, what guys, really, do American chicks find attractive — guys who aren’t rich or who have model looks? Hmmmm?
This article is devastating, depressing, and utterly true. I literally felt my flesh crawl when reading it, as it perfectly described countless dates I had with American women before I finally just threw in the towel and decided to boycott them in favor of any foreign woman.
The truth must be shouted from the rooftops, despite all the tantrums, hysterics, hissy fits, and threats (yes, those are coming soon enough) that will be let loose. We need to adopt the fighting ethic of William Lloyd Garrison, who said, “I am in earnest, I will not equivocate, I will not excuse, I will not retreat a single inch, and I will be heard”. American feminism, which I see as not just the cause for the destruction of our women, but as a threat to civilization itself, must be confronted with its lies and attacked at its foundation. That is why blogs like Maverick’s and Roosh’s are so important. Underground now, they are soon to become (if they are not already) the spearhead of a new renaissance. Or so I hope.
When most young men in our country cannot find jobs or women, they are going to ask why. And we need to point the finger squarely at where it should be pointed. Forty years of cowardice in caving in to feminism and forced androgynization of our culture has had its effect. And we’re stuck with the result.
But what can one do? The only solution I can think of, and what works for me, is make a lot of money here in the US and then plan trips abroad. While here in the US, bang the garbage that falls in your lap, but never lose sight of what they are: soul-destroying parasites. Fill your time with reading good books, studying philosophy (preferably Neoplatonism, since it has a depth that can fill the spiritual void of life in the US). We should be studying the ethics and practices of the medieval scholastics. Retreating into oneself was the only sensible option in a dark age full of violence, chaos, and fear. You may think I’m exaggerating, but I think not. A new dark age is here. We need to take defensive measures to protect ourselves from these barbarians….and make no mistake, the modern American feminist is an uncouth savage, in my eyes, when compared to the sultry femininity of a Japanese or Polish woman.
In the long run, maybe even that won’t work….I am beginning to think that exile is the only realistic option. It’s been done before…in the classical period, and even during the Renaissance, educated men and scholars had to leave one place and move to greener pastures when civil chaos, the vagaries of political intrigue, or disease swept upon them. Successful American men need to study this example. We’ve never had to deal with such things in America, but the Europeans are used to it. And it may be the wave of the future.
I’ll be developing this idea more…until then, thanks again Maverick. Forums like this are a Godsend…
“The only solution I can think of, and what works for me, is make a lot of money here in the US and then plan trips abroad. While here in the US, bang the garbage that falls in your lap, but never lose sight of what they are: soul-destroying parasites. Fill your time with reading good books, studying philosophy (preferably Neoplatonism, since it has a depth that can fill the spiritual void of life in the US).”
You had the nail on the head right here.
Fortunately guys like us were able to leave the US for greener lands and warmer pussy, but for millions of others stuck in mindless work in “politically correct” workplaces, life is pretty soul-crushing.
Sounds like you two just didn’t connect because you have different values. You value strong conversational skills and she lacks them. For you, a lack of strong conversational skills seems to be a dealbreaker. For other men, it may not be. I’m going to guess that she’s not as big a risk-taker as you might be. She seems to enjoy remaining within her comfort zone of work, familiar restaurants and movies. New situations may not come as naturally to her as they might come to you. If she’s not one to often venture out of her comfort zone, it seems natural that she might be uncomfortable when meeting someone new and that it might take some “work” to open her up. Again, some men may be ok with that. You may desire a woman who is more willing to step out of her comfort zone and push her boundaries.
Maybe her nervousness distracts her and keeps her focused on herself. Maybe if she weren’t so busy being nervous about meeting someone new, she’d be able to focus on something else, like you. Maybe it takes her more time to get comfortable than it takes you. Maybe as she gets more comfortable, she’ll start to focus less on herself and more on you. Again, some men may be ok with that. You may not be.
Her nervousness does not make her a wannabe Madonna. Someone more compatible with her may be better able to get her to open up. Just because you couldn’t get her to open up in the time frame that you wanted her to open up in doesn’t mean that she’s a feminist, corporate slave with no mind of her own.
Maybe her offer to drive and her Blackberry questions represented her beginning attempt to overcome her nervousness and focus more on you instead of herself. Maybe that’s absurd to you. Maybe that’s admirable to someone else.
You have differing values of work and travel. So what? It doesn’t make her unoriginal or a “walking, talking brand.” It just makes the two of you different.
The problem with dating in the U.S. is that people like to assume that they know exactly what’s going as a way to control the fear or nervousness that might be sparked from a new interaction. No one ever knows exactly what’s going on. Everyone operates at a different pace of comfort and people often freak out when the other’s pace doesn’t match theirs. To frame this situation as an issue of one problematic woman (whether American or not) misses the point. This is about two people. It’s about a lack of connection due to differing values.
Women behave this way, because the men have all gone away!
A vacuum of behavior by the men..is sad!
you just made me realize i have no reason to ever return to the states. that just made my stay in europe a whole lot serious. . . i must find a way to survive here
Maybe you’re just not meeting the right American women. I’m the kind of girl who was born and raised in the NE, and while I believe in chivalry, I also like to think of myself as someone with a personality. I have inspired growth, and pushed for things more unconventional than seeing a movie on a date.
I’m all about experiences, and I’m from right here in your soulless, robotic country of ladies. You can’t generalize all American women to be this way anymore than I can say that all American dudes are crotch-scratching fratty lite bros who value my bra size more than my unique position in this world.
{ 14 trackbacks }