How To Go From A Number To A Date Without Being Desperate

There’s a big difference between being persistent and being desperate.  There are times that even persistence is not necessary because the girl simply likes you and makes the moves for you. 

However, most of my best relationships, and consequently some of the mind-blowing sex I’ve had were the result of a bit of persistence on my part to make it work.

Since most of the girls I meet these days are during daytime (especially in the summer), usually all I end up with is a number that I need to work with to get her out for a more intimate date.

Before I lay down the rules, I want to stress my inner mentality when it comes to the chase.

• I do not “next” a girl.  (In fact, I don’t “next” anyone anymore, but that’s another post.) I never take it personally if she’s been evasive or taking a while to respond to texts.  You can’t next a girl you haven’t slept with.  I don’t suddenly give up on her if I see unfavorable behavior, but I try to see it through until it reaches a point where I need to cut my losses and move on.  So, unlike many guys, I’m willing to invest a bit more into the chase if I feel the prospect (girl) is worth it.
• I do not sit and analyze her SMS’s to predict my chances.  If she’s responding, it’s on. 
• I remove my ego completely.  I view this process as nothing to do with me, but more of a timing/logistics issue that has to do mainly with her.

So, now that I’ve met the girl and have gotten her number the chase begins.  My objective now is to get her off the phone, and see her face-to-face as soon as possible.

• Call or Text
  If the country/culture is very text-heavy, then I only stick to texts.  Here in Romania as well as the rest of Eastern Europe people typically text much more than call.
  The exception here is that if she never replies to your original text, then maybe after 3-4 hours pickup the phone and call her.  Her phone might not receive SMSs, she might not have enough carrier credit to respond to a text, etc.
• The First Text
  I always give every girl I meet a particular nickname.  The Romanian girl I met the other day considered herself ‘non-typical Romanian’ simply because she had short hair, didn’t wear high heels, nor a dress.  My nickname for her was ‘my favorite non-typical Romanian girl’.  The French girl with whom I was hooking up in Brazil, my very first text to her was ‘ma petite cherie’ (something like ‘my baby’).  Another girl I met, Cassandra, kept saying how she always introduces herself by saying her name and appending ‘with 2 S’s’.  I refer to her as “Casssssandra” when I text her.

  Note #1: Don’t give nicknames if you’re unwilling to call her that face-to-face.  For instance, if during the first meeting, the vibe was very serious and there’s no way you could’ve called her by the nickname, don’t call her by nickname when you text her.  She’s going to think you’re trying too hard or just weird.  Your vibe when texting needs to absolutely match the vibe you’ve had when you first met her.

  Note #2: If the girl was very cute, dressed to the 9s, and very flirty when we first met, I sometimes ask her to send me a cute picture to my email with my first text.  Her sending me a sexy picture pretty much sets the tone for our interaction going forward.

• The time span before she responds.
  I don’t care how long it took her to respond to the first text because I’ve found whether it’s 5 mins or 3 hrs makes absolutely no difference.  As she could be working, not hear the phone, be at a gym, etc.  The key is whether she replies by the evening and also if apologizes for not replying sooner. 
• Her response
  Usually if the girl has a sense of humor, she’ll respond by giving me a nickname as well.  About 80-90% of the girls play along.  The non-typical Romanian called me a fake-brazilian, fake-mexican, fake-spanish guy because I’ve lived in all of those countries but it’s not my nationality.  The Cassssandra chick called me a ‘rebel without a cause’ because I joked that’s what my motto in life is when we met.  It’s a great sign that a girl is willing to play a long.
• The frame
  Setting the frame when asking her out:  The frame I want to set right away when asking the girl out is that we won’t be just having a beer and talking about world events.  I don’t want her to think that it’ll be some kind of platonic, friend-only date.
• The ask
  One way I like to ask if I could “kidnap” her for a few hours one weekend night for an “innocent” beer or two.  Girls love to be “kidnapped” by a stranger (even if they’ll never admit it).  If the girl is super flirty, I might add, “don’t worry I won’t try anything.”  but you have to make a judgment call based on the initial interaction and her SMS responses.  Also, remember that if her English is not fluent, she might miss the subtext behind the statement and completely misunderstand.
• If she cancels
  Let’s say you’ve set up a Friday night date, but the girl cancels few hours before.  First you have to assess the situation: did she give a reason and/or present a counter offer?  If you’re in a low-flake country (i.e., you’re not in Colombia), then it’s quite possible she had a valid reason, and it’s worth following up at a later date.

  Let’s say she cancelled, by claiming she’s sick but asked if we can reschedule at a later date.  My typical reply would be “Ok, but you’ll have to make it up to me next time.  Get well soon.”  I achieve two things with such a response: I make sure that she knows that she’ll have to make it worthwhile next time, and two I don’t act like a dick even though she could be lying to me.

• She counteroffers
  If she counteroffers, great, proceed as normal.  If she doesn’t, I wait at least 3-4 days to re-initiate contact, again with a witty comment with her nickname.
• She hasn’t responded
  Let’s say it’s been a week or two since you last texted her but she hasn’t responded to your last text.  Now, this upcoming weekend there’s a cool party your friends are throwing, or a cool DJ playing at a club, or some other cool event.  What I would do is text her, ‘hey <nickname>, so and so DJ is playing at so and so club, you should come’  What I’m doing here is not inviting her directly, but making her an offer that she should check it out.  I hate passive offers like this, but if she’s been silent for a while, it’s an ideal offer.
• She’s MIA
  If you get no response at this point, delete the number and move on.

So drop the ego, and keep pushing for a meet unless you get a definite ‘No’ or the girl simply stops replying to your texts.  If that happens, don’t call, don’t pass Go and just move on to the next girl.

Mastering persistence without crossing into desperation will give you a new arsenal in your ever expanding seduction toolkit.

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