Sometimes things end as abruptly as they began. One afternoon on a busy pedestrian street in Kiev, Ukraine I noticed a cute girl walking in my direction. She was probably in her early to mid 20s. She had long blonde hair and a short dress exposing her beautiful long legs.
I wasn’t in the mood for day game but just couldn’t pass this one up. I turned around and loitered in front of a department store, waiting for her to come closer.
Just before she passed me, I came up and asked her if she knew where the closest Zara was. She was receptive and within fifteen minutes I had her number and email. I didn’t leave right away and even walked her to the metro stop. I promised to call her and she promised to answer.
The next day I left Kiev to explore the rest of the country. Over the following weeks, our conversions became progressively longer; brief text messages turned into Skype chats lasting several hours. She even emailed me a couple of pictures of her relaxing on a beach in Turkey. She looked great, fueling my desire to get back even more. We even made plans to meet at a trendy café upon my return.
Then suddenly it was over. One weekend she left town and came back a different person. She was barely online, and the times she was, she’d take forever to answer my messages. Similarly, the replies to text messages would come after several hours or never at all.
I didn’t give up just yet. As soon as I got back, I contacted her with renewed optimism. I told her I was back, and asked her what her plans were. Her reply was cold and blunt: “I don’t think I’ll be able to see you.” That was the last nail on the coffin. I promptly deleted her contact, and never heard from her again. It was over. Finished. Done. She was dead on arrival.
When you order something online, like a laptop or a fancy electric shaver, and it arrives in a defective state, that item is called dead on arrival (DOA). There’s nothing left to do but return the item for a full refund. It’s such a common situation that even those retailers that don’t do ordinary refunds stemming from dissatisfaction are obliged to honor DOA returns.
And the same happens with women. One day she’s very receptive and accessible; next day she’s distant and unavailable.
I wondered what could’ve happened. She could’ve met another guy, gotten back with her ex-boyfriend, or simply changed her mind about me. The reasons are always different, but the initial signs are the same: the aloofness, the delayed responses, and the brief one-word answers.
What can you do? Not much really. There’s only so many times you can initiate contact, supplicate and bear rejection. You’ve reached the point of no return. There’re no magical text message that’ll rekindle the romance just like there’s no way to resuscitate a dead patient. Don’t pass Go; don’t collect $200.
Simply return the product and get yourself another one – there’s plenty more where that came from. And most of them will be perfectly functional and overly joyed with their new owners.
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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Similar happen with me some time. One time girl told me she start to date his ex, the second time other girl told me she met new guy. What happened with others I don’t know, but it this case, I think she start to date other guy and she was not interesded in you. And I agree, there’re no magical text message that’ll rekindle the romance.
Yup, energy is better spent being back on the hunt. No magical potion to get those that get away. Keep huntin’
I had one of these recently. You do everything right, by the book, she’s eating out of your hand one minute and then *poof* gone. And you never do find out what the hell happened, which is perhaps even more annoying.
Nothing you can do though as you say, except suck it up and move on!
I think as soon as you realize it’s a lost cause, you’re much better off. Less energy spent trying to figure it out and “understanding” women.
I just don’t bother anymore; I keep moving. Lots of fish in the sea anyway.
Just keep going. That’s what I do.
Solid post Mav.
I think a lot of guys live in a fantasy land thinking that they can somehow “salvage” a pickup gone wrong. What the fuck did that chick owe you? Nothing. At least you’re a man who realizes that. Lots of other guys’ egos are so fragile that they can’t accept defeat and move on. But that’s exactly what must be done.
Well said, James. I guess it takes a man to know when to move on.
Mav for a long time I’ve completely been on the same page as you and had very little tolerance for girls who flake and act that way. But my compatriot Brad – http://3rdmilleniummen.wordpress.com/author/badassbrad – has got me thinking about it in a different way. He said to me a few weeks ago “What do you gain from deleting her?”
It made me think. You gain nothing. And sure there may be nothing further to gain from ignoring her for 6 weeks and trying again, but there is a minuscule chance that for the cost of a text message, you could get her to re escalate. I’ve decided to go down more his path for a little while.
I believe that once a pickup has gone cold, then it’s gone for good. It’s like once she wrote you off, chances are she won’t bang anymore.
Of course, you never know — she might be horny the night you text her and after a few drinks will bang you, although I don’t remember last time this happened.
Do let me know how your new strategy works out.
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